I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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