She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
