i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
