it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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