Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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