So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
