I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize