Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
