Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
