Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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