Porn is love you can see.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize