i need an iv and a liver transplant
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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