I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
