so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
