yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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