I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
