I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
