you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
