I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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