just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
no you cant smoke seaweed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
