His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
