i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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