Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
