jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize