My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
