I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
