That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
