I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
