it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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