i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
