yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
