I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my shit smells like andre
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
