I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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