man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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