i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
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Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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