Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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