I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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