the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
