So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
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He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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