Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
