i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
