god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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