if i can run in heels then i can drive
too bad you live with your parents still
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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