Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
