I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
