Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Holy shit dude........stairs
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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