You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
