Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
