the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
