If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
