and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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