go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
