Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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