I wish you could order shots online.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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