I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
