I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
