that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
