Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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