My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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