i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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