did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
