i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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