i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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