i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
