It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
