champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
