I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
