I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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