i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
